So Gabrielle Aplin covered One Direction’s Best Song Ever and it’s my favourite thing in the world
#SHE DIDN’T CHANGE THE PRONOUNS SO NOW IT’S ABOUT LESBIANS SO IT’S 1000000000% BETTER #also it’s slowed down so i’m just picturing two ladies pressed close together and swaying and whispering things about dirty mouths
I’m going to get geeky here, and I’m going to get preachy. Your mileage may vary.
So first let’s all read this excellent The Mary Sue article regarding fanboy hatred of Tauriel, the first non-canonical character Peter Jackson has inserted into his Tolkien movies:
And now let’s talk about Tauriel.
Tauriel is fucking awesome. She is a fearless warrior a keen mind, and a woman who will resolutely NOT TAKE YOUR SHIT.
Much has made of the romantic “triangle” between Tauriel, Legolas and Kili, but let’s be clear about this: it’s not a triangle to anyone but Legolas. Tauriel has absolutely zero romantic interest in him. When Thranduil (Legolas’s crazy asshole of a dad and a new contender for King Dick of Tolkien Cinema) suggests that his son has feelings for her, the look on her face suggests no inner conflict. It suggests “Oh, shit, HIM?”
(By the way - Jackson’s camera stays with her reaction, making it, implicitly, a more relevant emotional note than Legolas’s desire or Thranduil’s machinations; Evangeline Lilly’s excellent performance is no small part of why the character works)
Tauriel, meanwhile, is WAY into Kili. He’s an underdog: funny, scruffily handsome, handy in battle. He allows himself to be vulnerable with her. He flirts, mutters poetry. She reciprocates and is obviously charmed (though not charmed enough to forget about kicking ass). We don’t even know if this is a romance yet, but if it is, it’s the most earthy, lusty one that has yet emerged in any Tolkien adaptation. Even if you think it’s a shame that the big female character just HAD to bring with her a romantic subplot, isn’t treating it that way kind of marvelous? Would you rather have another Arwen, a character whose life or death revolved around the man she loved? Can we not enjoy that here is a woman with a larger purpose who just HAPPENS to meet a fellow who catches her eye? Who would have died if not for HER?
Jackson, laudably, makes Tauriel’s feelings the center of this storyline. She’s not a prize to be won or a damsel in distress. She makes her choices, and the film doesn’t judge her for them.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: Tauriel’s actions, unlike Arwen’s, are not motivated by her romantic desires. When she sets off with Legolas to defend Middle Earth against a growing threat, she’s not thinking “Well maybe this’ll give me a chance to get closer to that hunky dwarf.” She’s worried that if the elves remain isolationist and resist even the merest involvement in the larger Middle Earth struggle, they will be consigning millions to their deaths. And they will rot in their caves. That’s what’s on Tauriel’s mind. She’s thinking globally. And she’s hacking the fuck out of every marauding Orc who stands in her way.
Fantasy cinema needs more Tauriels. And if the way they appear is by forcing a modern understanding of gender onto a traditionally chauvinistic genre template, then so much the better. This is the 21st century. Today’s female fantasy fans deserve a Tauriel. They deserve a female character they can admire and emulate. What they DON’T deserve is to feel like they’re not invited to the party. They don’t deserve yet another Comic-Con where they’re treated like outcasts and jack-off bait.
Ever notice the names of Jackson’s eternal collaborators? The two names you see in the credits of every Jackson film as writers, producers, second-unit directors? Their names are Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens. Without those women, you wouldn’t even have a huge, sumptuously appointed, better-than-you-deserve adaptation of Tolkien to complain about. And if you listen to their commentaries with Jackson, you’ll understand just how much they bring to the table, artistically and technically.
Middle Earth needs women like this. Not a White Council of little boys bitching about things not being just so.
much much MUCH love for tauriel
She is TECHNICALLY canon. You can stretch it. there’s a story about an elf falling in love with a dwarf tho names are never named. appendicies? silmarillian? no idea. don’t care.
the point is, a bunch of white cis neckbeards are pissed becaues their white neckbeard Hobbit sausage-fest had a girl in it, and a really intriguing romantic subplot. I usually find romantic stuff that’s there because all movies need to have romance to be dull and anoying, but this was really interesting. they DO come from really different worlds.
fuck fanboys, man.
also, disclaimer, my inner monologue has become my outter monologue tonight and my inner monologue is an asshole.
# THANK YOU # FUCKING HELL # I WAS SO PISSED WHEN I SAW THAT THIS SCENE WAS EXCLUDED # WHEN I SAW THATA THEY DIDNT GIVE /ANY/ SORTA SIGNIFICANCE TO THE FACT THAT ARTHUR CHOSE TO SEET MERLIN ON HIS RIGHT # AS HIS RIGHT HAND MAN # THE HAND HE USES THE MOST # HIS MOST TRUSTED #MOST LOYAL MOTHERFUCKING ADVISOR # I MEAN COME /ON/ # HE DIDNT EVEN GET TO SIT ON THE ONE THAT WAS IN CAMELOT # GIVE HIM /THIS/ MOTHERFUCK # BECAUSE YOU BET YOUR ASS ARTHUR WOULDA MADE A BIG PRODUCTION ABOUT SEATTING HIM THERE # AND YOU BET YOUR RUBY RED BOTTOM THAT HE WOULDA TOLD MERLIN THAT HE WANTED HIM ON THE TABLE IN CAMELOT TOO A DN SCREW PROPRIETY AND RULES # BUT MERLIN WOULDVE REFUSED # MAYBE OUT OF GUILT (TOO MANY SECRETS HES KEPT) #BUT ARTHUR WOULD HAVE SUGGESTED IT # I MEAN /COME OOOOOOOOON/ HE KNIGHTED PEASANTS #SEATING ARRANGEMENT WON’T HAVE MADE A BIG HUBBUB WITH HIM # *ROOOOLLLLSSS EEEYYYYYEEEESSS* (via merlin-willcome-withme)
I hate higher one…reported an unauthorized claim for like $5 on my debit card, they cancelled my card without telling me so now i cant use it for the dining halls to get food until i get a temp card monday. cancelled the claim hoping they would reactivate my card, nothing doing. so now im out the unauthorized money and the $40 theyre going to charge for a replacement. im so fucking done with today and this whole stupid semester